did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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