dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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