This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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