The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
