Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
