yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
