Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Enjoy the penises
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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