just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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