If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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