She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
