i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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