youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
