Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
