I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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