he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Rumble strips road head = magical
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
