my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
