He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Randomize
