i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
