Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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