Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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