What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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