did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
