every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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