That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
