you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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