And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
