Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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