i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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