i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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