3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Randomize
