last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
