she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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