im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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