3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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