He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need to sanitize my soul.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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