Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
