You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
