Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
