Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
