He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We are all done wearing pants today
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
