last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You need a sexual gate keeper
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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