Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
