cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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