well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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