I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
