mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
