Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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