Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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