Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
