Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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