i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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