I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
