we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
