yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
