we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
