Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Pants are for mortals
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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