I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
