Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
