I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
