I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
