I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
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