Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
