So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
