I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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