I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
