Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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