im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
