And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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