real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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