did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
